i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
