Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
