Why are handjobs necessary in class?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
