I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
