So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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