i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
