my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
