bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
