U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
