y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
