no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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