So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
