Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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