youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
