he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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