its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
