Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
