it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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