Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
