I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
