That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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