I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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