We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
