I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
