i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
