dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
