I have demons in me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
