So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
