i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
