Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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