I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
