i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just want to make out with him forever
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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