I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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