Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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