Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
