If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
