just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
