it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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