Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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