My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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