dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
