she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
