forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
