Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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