this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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