i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
