she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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