If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
