You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
