its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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