where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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