Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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