hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
