3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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