No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
