Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
