I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
