i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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