Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
