Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
