i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
