He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
